


Locked in a Current

by SimmeringSun



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Hannibal Loves Will, Hannibal is Hannibal, Hurt Will Graham, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Painkillers, Rehabilitation, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SimmeringSun/pseuds/SimmeringSun
Summary: Will has an addiction that he ignores. It doesn't help that Hannibal ignores it too.Or the one where Will gets over an addiction to pain killers and Hannibal helps eventually.





	Locked in a Current

Will couldn't really pinpoint the exact reason that the painkillers became a necessity in his life. He didn’t like to think about the subject. No, he preferred for the cycle to continue without a thought.

Perhaps it really was because of actual pain. It certainly started because of that.

When he was plagued with those floods of visions and that dull aching pain, he used the pills to make the throbbing simmer down.

But the visions failed to fade and that ache seemed to only double over time. Soon he was accustomed to having a bottle of pills in his pocket. The light sound of the shaking pills as he walked comforted him. The rhythmic sound whispered of alternatives to his pain. It was like a door with no lock in the middle of a dark room one would want to leave.

So they stayed in his pocket even when the pain simmered down. And pills were taken daily despite the level of pain. 

A part of Will was surprised that no one had questioned him about them. He expected someone to at least ask about his well being after he took the pills in the middle of work for the fifth week in a row. He expected someone to voice their concerns when he upped the dosage to five or more pills a day. But not one word about the matter was spoken. The pills became a part of Will’s routine and in turn the scene became part of everyone else’s.

Yet Will found himself tempted to tell someone and force them acknowledge the situation. He refused to accept what he was doing was a problem for so long. Maybe if someone told him to his face that what he was doing was bad he’d believe it. Maybe he’d actually learn to care about his health for once.

He even started taking them in front of Hannibal during their therapy sessions. He’d casually pour the little mountain of tablets onto his hand and swallow them dry as he listened to another one of Hannibal’s quips. But there was no pause in his sentences. There were no voices of concern. There was just something in Hannibal’s eyes that Will couldn’t quite distinguish. 

So the pills became a ghost that shrouded Will’s very core, and Will convinced himself that he was not a drug addict.

It was when Hannibal said his concerns about his mental well being that Will began to entertain the thought that maybe that pain that stayed in his mind was not one that he had imagined. Maybe he was justified in his habit.

So he adamentally supported it when the doctors took the scan of his brain. He wanted something on paper to prove to himself that he had a right to down a bottle of painkillers in the span of five days. 

“There’s nothing wrong with your brain according to our scan.”

Those words shattered that sense of false hope that he subconsciously clinged onto in his mind.

“That can’t be.”, He denied it. Hannibal gave him a strange look.

“I’m sorry Mr.Graham. Perhaps we can take another test? I am quite certain that it will produce the same results though.”, The doctor said.

Will’s head throbbed the whole drive home. 

Nothing about his head seemed to make sense an anymore. The pain that throbbed in his head like an endless drum wasn’t real according to the doctor. Those dry tablets he swallowed were nothing but an addiction. For the first time in his life he looked in the mirror and saw a drug addict.

He cried, and with an impulse he wasn’t aware he had, he swallowed twelve tablets. He wasn’t sure how many painkillers would kill a person. As he slipped into a calm lucid state he wasn’t sure if he wished that number was higher or lower than twelve.

When he woke up the next morning covered in a sheen of sweat and his head throbbing, he chose to forget the night before. He go dressed and pocketed the bottle in his coat pocket. The pill bottle seemed to shake louder with each step he took.

Hannibal continued to scrutinize him with that weird stare when he downed those pills. The cycle refused to be broken.

Then his world turned upside down.

That man he had grown to fancy had been staging a show the whole time. While Will was mindlessly falling in love with his therapist who made him chicken soup and listened to him, Hannibal was framing him for murder. Hannibal took the person who he dreamt about fishing with and turned her into a missing body. No, even worse, a missing corpse.

Nobody believed him when he pointed his finger at Hannibal. They called him delusional and whispered behind closed doors about how there was something wrong with him. About how he was some sort of psychopath. His head throbbed and his chest ached every minute. He would do anything for those pills that kept him grounded.

While in those confined walls he would make constant complaints about his head. 

“It feels like something is fucking my brain.”, He would groan out as he clutched his head and pulled at his curls. The nurse was a man who would always stare at WIll a little longer than the rest. When he would hear Will’s complaints he’d slip Will a couple of painkillers without any words.

Will would accept these pills like they were a lifesaver, even if they weren’t quite enough to fill that void he had made grow so big.

Once Will had come to terms with the fact that he had been wrongly accused of murder and that no one was going to come to his rescue, he decided to reach out for Hannibal. He would tell Hannibal of the truths he had come to terms with and Hannibal would smirk and spout those words of false pity. Words of false denial; because Hannibal was not denying any of it. He would say words of how he felt bad that Will believes him to be the bad guy, but his eyes and smile told him another story.

It was all a game to Hannibal. Everything from the stashed pills in Will’s pocket to the guillotine that hanged over Will’s head was just a game. So why hasn’t that love he felt for that monster completely faded away?

Baseless attraction and twisted interest is what Will had reasoned with himself as he took the six pills he had stashed over time. Hannibal would always hurt Will, and Will would always be in pain. It was just something Will had came to terms with while thinking about past events.

So when the curtain was unveiled and the handcuffs were unlocked from Will’s wrists, Wll resumed his therapy sessions with Dr. Lector.

“No lying.”, Will had said as he looked into the eyes of a killer. He found that he still liked those marron eyes.

“No lying.”, Hannibal agreed. Will knew he was lying.

He and Will went on their spree: their little waltz that the two of them shared in private. Will would pretend that he wasn’t hopelessly falling in love with Hannibal even more than before, and Hannibal would take him by the arm and introduce Will to his twisted world of murder.

There was a touch of shoulder, a slight hold of a hand, and the words would seem to click together. Everything fit nicely despite Will’s discomforts about Hannibal’s past actions. Those past actions that Will just couldn’t ignore no matter how much the pills made him numb.

“I imagined fishing with her.”, He said through tears as he looked at Hannibal. He imagined Hannibal killing her. Did he slice her throat as some kind of sick irony? Was the death quick and painless just as Will hoped it would be?

“I’m sorry I took that away from you. I’m sorry I took that away from us.”, Hannibal said. There was an earnesty in his voice that Will found he couldn’t deny. A grieving father loomed in those words, and Will found himself forgiving Hannibal. But he just couldn’t forget.

Will could tell that the dance they shared was morphing by the minute. Words of escape to a new life they could share together in peace left Hannibal’s mouth and they seemed to fill a void inside Will. A prospect of a happy lie with Hannibal made the pain simmer and his heart beat faster. But then the thoughts of Alana and Jack clouded that bright light and more pills left the bottle. He felt like he was going to spew all of his insides out and he’s was not sure if it was because of the pills or the stress.

He knew what he had to do. He knew who he would follow in the end.

But sunshine and comfort in a house with Hannibal didn’t come that night. Instead, a ghost that haunted his every dream stood before him with tears and regret. She said words of apology and looked at Hannibal like a saint despite the blood that pooled at their feet. Blood of friends that had been there for her and Will. 

But how could Will blame her? He found himself enraptured by those eyes despite his conflicting emotion. He felt his heart flutter as Hannibal mentioned the three of them leaving. Family. It was something that Will had craved for so long. He would ignore the blood on all of their hands in a heartbeat for a life with them. He’d throw away all of his pills if he could watch Hannibal cook every morning and watch Abigail read.

But a cycle is a cycle, and Hannibal is Hannibal. A knife was stuck into his side and jarred him into a sick reality that shattered those dreams. His chance at sacrifice in exchange for a sense of happiness was cut short. Hannibal was convinced of an imminent betrayal before Will could even begin to prove himself. Pain flooded his senses as he felt Hannibal embrace him. It was sickly romantic. They swayed as painful jarring noises erupted from Will’s throat. Will could hear Abigail cry as Hannibal released his arms from around Will he fell to the floor. He looked up at Hannibal and for the second time felt betrayed. He wondered how many moments that mirrored this one would follow if he was still alive.

“You can make it all go away. Put your head back. Close your eyes. Wade into the quiet of the stream.”, Hannibal said. It was almost like he wanted Will to die peacefully, but Will felt like he was drowning.

Will begged Hannibal to stop. To pull out some bandages and reveal it all to be some sort of sick joke. But Hannibal made his intentions painfully clear as he yet again tore open the sun in front of Will’s eyes. There was so much blood and pain that Will welcomed the prospect of death.

But Will woke up both figuratively and literally. He still loved Hannibal, but he would be a fool to act on that love again. So he went out and sought answers. He decided to forgive and remember. He looked the sun in the eye and answered her back. He took pills, realized that he was killing his body, and took more.

He looked Hannibal in the eyes, told him he wasn’t going to go after him anymore. But he did.

Before Will knew it he was in the arms of Hannibal, both coated in blood and enjoying each other’s warmth. Lips almost graze and eyes are gazed into before they fall off what might as well have been the edge of the Earth.

And god did Will fall.

When they both resurfaced from the waters, a new life was set in store before them. On their first trip to the store they made Will put two bottles of painkillers in the cart. His heart thudded in his chest as Hannibal looked down at the contents in the cart.

Hannibal looked him the eyes, and to Will’s amazement he looked pained himself. There was no look of superiority in Hannibal’s eyes or the threat of having something to hang over Will’s head. There was just the look of knowing and understanding.

The look almost made Will take the bottles out of the cart and feed on the euphoric happiness that he and Hannibal had created instead. But Will was not a fool. He knew that no matter how hard he tried to ignore that craving or that pain that built up inside he’d be back for more.

When they got to their temporary new home Will dug through the bags and took the painkillers out. He slipped the bottles in his coat pocket when he was sure that Hannibal wasn’t looking. He smiled at the man he loved and swallowed five tablets with shaking hands.

Will knew that this sick habit was at stake with this new lifestyle. Even when he took the pills in the bathroom with the door locked behind him, he felt as if Hannibal was watching his every move. He was wary of taking too many to get high, so he would only do it a couple of nights after Will thought Hannibal had fallen asleep.

“Why do you do it?”, Hannibal asked Will one day during dinner. It was another victim of a hunt. Hannibal had made some sort of extravagant meal out of the kidney.

Will almost choked on his food when he heard the question. He swallowed dryly and opened his mouth.

“What are you talking about?”, He asks.

“Will, I think you know what I’m talking about.”, Hannibal says as he looks into Will’s eyes. The intensity and care in those eyes makes Will’s stomach churn. He breaks away from the gaze and chooses to look down at his plate in silence.

“You’ve had them since the encephalitis. In your coat pockets where they shake. You take them with shaky hands, five or more everyday.”, Hannibal begins. “Will, they’re awful for you. They will make you dead in no time at the rate you take them.”

“You don’t get it Hannibal. It’s not a problem, it’s never been a problem.”, Will begins. Words are climbing up his throat before he gets a chance to think about them. “I have pills, the pain goes away, and I can function throughout the day without those damn pains.”

“Will, the pains will go away entirely if you get on track to stop taking the pills. They’re not there.”, Hannibal says carefully.

“I feel pain Hannibal. And that’s real enough pain for me.”, Will says.

“Then we can make it stop Will. We can have you work your way towards being drug free. It will be good for your body and better for your mind.”

“Oh how typical. You’re the one who caused all this pain and now you want to take the thing that makes the pain go away.”, Will bites out. He quickly shuts his mouth afterwards and his eyes go wide at the realization of his own words.

“I didn’t mean that, I’m s-”

“No. You are right Will. For so long I have been the one who has caused you pain. I’ve been the one to make you turn to little white pills. But now, I want to be the one to make your pain go away. I want you to feel the river current wash through you with the hold of my arms. I want you to smile wholy without a haze.”, Hannibal says he stands up and walks around the table.

“So please, my dear Mongoose”, He says as he bends down and kisses Will’s forehead. “Please let me help you.”

“I-I don’t think I can Hannibal.”, Will says honestly. The air around him seems to disappear. “I can’t function without them. I don’t think I can do it.”

“You’re strong Will. I will be with you every step of the way.”, Hannibal says. Tears form in Will’s eyes. It was just too much. He’s always pushed it to the side and accepted that he was going to be some sort of drug addict stuck in a cycle all of his life. But now Hannibal was offering to help him. Offering to help him break the cycle, and for some reason it didn’t seem as impossible anymore.

“Alright.”, Will chokes out. “Ok, I’ll try.”

“That is music to my ears Will. We’ll work things out, but for now please finish your dinner.”

Will had always read in those drug abuse articles that acceptance and want for change was the first step. It sounds like the most simple thing to an outside reader but god was it hard. But now he can finally check that box off and move down the list.

Hannibal had been surprisingly patient with Will. After that dinner he took the bottles and kept them hidden god knows where. 

The next day Hannibal gave him five pills. Will looked at him confused.

“I thought we were trying to get me off of these.”, Will said confused. He had already taken them out of Hannibal’s hand and wolfed them down.  
“It would be a very painful process to suddenly not take any Will. We’ll have you take less each day.”, Hannibal says and Will nods. He could do this. It all made sense.

But it got hard. 

Pretty soon Will was on three pills. It wouldn’t help the pain his head and it was not nearly enough to get high. But he didn’t want to disappoint Hannibal so he locked his jaw to keep from vomiting and made his body rigid to stop the constant shaking.

“I know it’s hard Will.”, Hannibal says that night. It’s two o’clock and Will is still awake, shaking slightly. “But you are brave and so strong Will. This will all be over before you know it.”

And how could Will do anything but believe those words. He smiles and Hannibal smiles back. Hannibal holds Will as the two fall asleep. Will feels as if he’s being soothed by a river’s current.


End file.
